Ashes from the Sky

The tree fort is enclosed from all sides, though by way of a small path you could walk to my back yard in under 60 seconds. It's only 5 feet off the ground, but it gives me a sense of being away. My thoughts are clear here.
So, how do I find freedom to walk with God and not pursue the things that harm me and those I love? One day I feel a closeness and and seem to believe I will enjoy this closeness without interuption. Then the next day, my thoughts are far away and I doubt, I judge, I justify, I desire that which would harm me or others. Yes, choosing those things that alienate me from God. It is Romans 7 . . . so how do I live in Romans 8? Then I see the flakes, just one or two white flakes floating down through the pine trees, close enough for me to reach and catch them. And I do. The pungent smell of smoke has been in the air for days and I've grown used to it. The fire is from the Great Dismal Swamp seen in the photo above, blowing south across the North Carolina border. Now as the wind blows north, not only is the smoke visible in the air, it fills every breath and more . . . the ashes from the sky.
I think of ashes and their significance in the Scriptures. Repentance. Turning from sin. The ashes from the sky . . . Does God desire to meet with me here? Here in the tree fort pursuing me with such love? The tears come slowly and I press the caught ashes into my forehead in the sign of the cross. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Forgive me. I want to be free. My life is not my own, I am bought at a price. The rest of the day I gratefully look for more ashes from the sky. I catch them and press them into my skin, drawing near.